after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
