At least make sure they are 18
Why
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're a waste of cheezeits
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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