he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize