im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
