I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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