After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
