I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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