Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
