you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
