I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i've created a new STD.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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