I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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