Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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