So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
