Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
