from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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