can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
