i was rollin on her like bob the builder
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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