How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
