something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
