I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
