im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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