This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
