Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
