Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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