I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
