Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
