I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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