I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
