My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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