the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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