I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
