Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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