Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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