I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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