I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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