oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize