"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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