Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize