alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
