I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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