Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
