Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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