Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
