Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
