I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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