You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
