just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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