I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
