You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize