i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
PANTIES FOUND
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