Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This toilet bowl is my home.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
