my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
These tits shall not be calmed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
