Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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