You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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