he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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