You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I showed him my bush... on skype.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
