I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's like iHOP with fire
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
