Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
