Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
