I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
