He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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