I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
