I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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