So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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