It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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