Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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