guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
