i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
