Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize