so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
