Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
