yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
