I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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