he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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