I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
