Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
