I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize