well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
