Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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