Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
