Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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