there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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